Bubba sat on a tree stump petting one of the raccoons who came to visit him from time to time. “Would you like to pet him? No? Well, maybe next time.” As he set the raccoon down, he said, “I wish they would come around more often. Oh, how many times have we said that – ‘I wish this’ or ‘I wish that’? Sometimes we have meant it and other times it was simply an expression of melancholy. Here’s the story of Clarence Higby and his wish.”
Clarence Higby’s boss, Mr. Taylor, had informed him in no uncertain terms that he had one last chance to convince a major customer – any customer – to continue their business relationship by placing an order – any order of any size. Mr. Taylor emphasized in a threatening voice with a decidedly accusatory gesture, “If you fail this time, you will be immediately discharged from Amalgamated and Consolidated. Do you understand, Higby?”
Clarence had gone over all his call notes looking for a glimmer of hope. He would have scoured through his sales charts, but his chart was so bad, it didn’t have a line on it. He spent all night in his hotel room searching for the answer. Wilson Logistics appeared to be his best bet. He created his best presentation with interactive graphs, charts, and data points. A tired smile crossed his face as he said, “I’m ready, I think.”
Clarence Higby now sat in the near-empty diner stirring and stirring his untouched cold coffee. He had a phone call to make, and he was afraid. His presentation to Wilson Logistics did not go well. In fact, he was roughly escorted from the building after he got on his knees and begged Mr. Wilson for an order. Any order.
After he summoned as much courage as he could, Clarence sat in a phone booth and dialed the office. On the second ring, he heard a pleasant voice announce, “Amalgamated and Consolidated. How may I direct your call?”
“This is Clarence Higby. I need to speak with Mr. Taylor, please.”
The pleasant voice quickly changed to an iceberg. “Oh, he’s been expecting you,” Shandra Shrickle. After she connected him with Mr. Taylor, she began to giggle and then said to herself, What a doofus!
The phone was answered, and a voice succinctly declared, “Yeah?”
“Ah, Mr. Taylor! This is Clarence Higby! How has your day gone, sir?”
“Cut the buffalo biscuits, Higby. I don’t have time to waste on my worst sales representative. I can’t even refer to you as a sales rep because you ain’t never sold a blessed thing for this company! Let’s cut to the chase – what is your tally for the day?”
“I made a direct presentation to Mr. Wilson at Wilson Logistics. I used the many great ideas you have shared in sales meetings. But at this time, he said he cannot see his way to give us an order.” He thought he swallowed his tongue and almost choked.
The moments of silence felt like an eternity to Clarence. “I wanted to hear your side of it first,” Taylor growled. “Wilson called me after you left. He said you are undoubtedly the worst sales rep he has ever had in his office. He also said he would spread the word throughout his country club to avoid doing business with you. He added it would be a cold day in Hell before he would allow another rep from Amalgamated and Consolidated to enter his building. You are fired as of this moment, Higby. Do not bother closing your expense report – the Accounting Department has already canceled your credit cards. HR will deal with your termination.”
“Sir, how am I to fly home if you canceled my credit cards?”
“That’s your problem,” Taylor said as he slammed the phone down.
Clarence packed the rental car’s trunk with all Amalgamated and Consolidated materials and left the car in the hotel parking lot. He packed his suitcase and snuck out of the hotel since he had no way to pay for the room. He walked a couple of miles to the bus station in the snow and rain. He barely had enough money to pay the bus fare home. But it meant he would spend the next 24 hours sitting and cooling his heels in a freezing station.
It was a blizzard the next night when he boarded the bus – there was snow up to the wheel hubs. He only saw ten or so passengers as he grabbed a window seat near the back. He folded himself up as much as possible to stay warm and get some sleep – if his empty stomach would stop groaning and growling. Many thoughts shaped as nightmares ran rampant through his mind. What am I going to do? Where can I get a new job? Why could I never connect with Mr. Wilson on a deal of any size? Shandra laughed at me while Mr. Wilson screamed terrible insults at me! How else could I have handled that account? I wish I had someone to help me! He fell into a fitful sleep.
Higby was jostled awake when a woman sat in the seat next to him. “Sorry, did I wake you up, mister?”
“Huh? Wha …” Higby stammered in a groggy voice. He sat up and noticed the bus was practically empty, except where this woman sat next to him. “I was sleeping, lady. May I respectfully suggest you find another empty seat in an empty row? I was planning to stretch out to sleep!”
“I thought you might like some company,” she countered. When she got no response, she said, “Hey, it’s Halloween! Trick or Treat!” Higby had a look of total defeat on his face and did not respond. “What did you expect – a life-sized Barbie doll?”
“No, I’ve already experienced the biggest trick. I lost everything!”
“Sounds like you are ready for a treat,” came a chilling voice.
It was then he realized she was dressed all in black like a witch. He asked in a snotty voice, “Where’s your broom?”
“We slammed into the side of a building in the fog this morning.”
“Who is ‘we’?”
“My broom, Florence, and I. My name is Broom Hilda. We were coming back from the Annual Cauldron Conclave in Cleveland. We got separated from the rest of the coven when we plowed head-first into that three-story building. Florence broke into pieces. I slid down the wall from the third-floor apartments, past the Masonic Lodge on the second floor, and settled with another crash in the parking lot of the hardware store on the first floor. I bet I have all kinds of bruises and scratches on my butt, yet I cannot see them.”
“I don’t want to either,” Higby replied and grimaced. He thought he saw the color of her eyes change from yellow to red.
“Where are you headed?” she asked.
Higby flatly replied, “Lackawanna, Pennsylvania.” I think her crooked nose has more warts on it than it had before, he thought to himself. What is happening?
“No, you are not,” the witch announced.
“I beg your pardon, Miss Broom,” Higby said in a stronger voice. “I am going to my home in Lackawanna! Where do you think I’m going?”
Her smile revealed crooked, decaying teeth next to several empty places in her mouth as she proclaimed, “This bus will next stop at Wilson Logistics. You have an appointment to see Mr. Wilson.”
“To do what? Shine his shoes? Empty his trash baskets?”
The smile on Broom Hilda’s face became larger and more sinister. “Don’t forget your sample case by your feet.”
Higby was shocked to find his Amalgamated and Consolidated sample case. “I left all that stuff in the rental car at the hotel!” He looked up to discover Broom Hilda was gone, as were the rest of the passengers on the bus.
The driver announced, “Here is Wilson Logistics, Mr. Higby. Good luck with that presentation!”
Clarence Higby stiffly stood up and shuffled down the aisle. As he left the snow-covered bus on a bright sunny day, he heard a voice say, “Carpe Diem, Higby!” He looked around for Miss Broom but could not find her. He hurried into the building when he heard, “Get that order!” Then he heard a cackling voice that sent a quiver up and down his back.
He dreaded walking into the lobby, he dreaded walking out of the penthouse elevator, and he shivered when he walked up to Donna Donothing’s desk. Before he could say anything, Donna jumped up and squeezed him in a bear hug. “You know I always enjoy seeing you, Clarence!” then she whispered, “Why don’t you come by my apartment tonight around 11:00 for a late-night dinner?” Before Higby could catch his breath, Donna picked up the phone and said, “Mr. Wilson, your favorite sales representative, Clarence Higby, is here!”
“Wonderful! Send him right in. Oh, Ms. Donothing, please make lunch reservations for Clarence and me at Restaurant Le Cygne Blanc.”
What stuffings Donna did not squeeze out of Higby, Wilson took care of when he wrapped up Higby in another bear hug. “I so look forward to every visit from you, Clarence. It does not matter if you are presenting a new product, sharing industry gossip, or the latest on a new pickleball court – I enjoy our conversations!”
“I do too, Mr. Wilson,” Higby said with a huge lump in his throat. Or at least I think I do, he said to himself.
Wilson had a serious expression on his face as he replied, “Now, Clarence, how many times have I asked you to call me by my first name? Please call me Winthrop.”
“Ah … all right … Winthrop,” Higby said, trying to swallow that huge lump in his throat.
“Clarence, I know why you are here today,” Wilson said somberly.
“Well, that makes one of us,” Higby responded as he made sure there was nothing to stumble over when he turned to run out the door.
“I have thoroughly reviewed your proposal, and you are 100% correct. I will order my plant management team to implement the changes and incorporate all the necessary replacement parts from the list you provided from Amalgamated and Consolidated. I will personally call you if additional parts are required,” Winthrop explained with a big grin.
Higby fell more than sat in a chair as he asked, “May I have a glass of water?”
Winthrop said, “No,” as he called his secretary. “Ms. Donothing, this calls for champagne. Yes, thank you.” Winthrop turned as he hung up and said, “How about a Cuban cigar, Clarence?”
“No, thanks.”
Wilson popped the cork and poured. “Well, here is to the biggest deal Wilson Logistics has ever bought. Here is to $50,000,000 – all purchased from Clarence Higby and Amalgamated and Consolidated!”
Donna Donothing knocked and walked in. “Please excuse the interruption, gentlemen. Mr. Taylor from Amalgamated and Consolidated just called. He will have a limo downstairs in ten minutes to pick up Mr. Higby.”
Wilson was slightly dejected as he said, “Nuts, I wanted to take you to lunch and then to the country club for an afternoon of gold. Well, we’ll do it next week. I look forward to our next meeting, Clarence.”
“Me too,” added Donna with a naughty smile as she slowly drew her hand across Higby’s shoulder.
A security detail met Clarence Higby as the limo pulled up in front of Amalgamated and Consolidated. They escorted him inside, but not to his usual cubicle in the basement. They took him to the building’s Management Level on the 50th floor and into a huge office with a sign on the door that proclaimed Executive Vice President Clarence Higby. Mr. Taylor led all the executives in the applause. “We are so proud to welcome Clarence to the executive team. He richly deserves this recognition and his new position!”
After all the introductions and a few more glasses of champagne, everyone left except Mr. Taylor. “I have also selected a new executive secretary for you. Shandra Shrickle wanted the job, but I selected someone with more experience. May I introduce Ms. Hilda.”
The loud THUD you heard was Clarence Higby’s head hitting the floor when he fainted after hearing a cackling laugh.